There is an ambulance service for people in Helsinki metropolitan area called “9Lives”. The message they send to customers with their name is sublime. They sort of promise to treat you at least as good as they would treat cats, rats, hamsters and such. I really, really hope they love animals!
Tag: english
Something to Consider
My insurance company maintains my high self-esteem without even breaking a sweat and proves itself most considerate and helpful over and over again. Not so long ago they came up with the brilliant notion that in the near future while showering I will somehow fall asleep in drunken stupor right on the top of floor drain in bathroom and tuck pipes with my flabby ass inducing housewide flood. Turns out for the guys at my age and marital status such outcome not only hypothetically possible but actually very probable and maybe even almost certain. I may stop worrying about this particular scenario for the low price of just a little bit over ten euros a year. Something to consider I guess.
Bankey Tunes
This week I’ve called my bank to get some help with esoteric banking issue. As you can imagine waiting times to get to the human operator can be quite long — 34 minutes in my case. All this time I’ve been treated with a catchy song that supposedly makes waiting time fly and I’ve spent better half of an hour in a sing-along frenzy. Needless to say after this encounter I was quite determined to get this track on iTunes. The best plan I came up with was to call bank again, wait for the music to start, put phone on speaker and make Shazam on my notebook work its arcane magic. Plan too brilliant to fail? Nope! I’ve called bank repeatedly and got immediate answers every single time! Accounts… — Snap! Loans… — How can I help you? Bills… — Here we go! Credits… — Need some? Stolen cards… — I feel your pain bro!
Social Afterlife
In coming years users will finally get an option to switch social network profiles into “afterlife” mode instead of “memorial” mode after their inevitable demise. Imagine that — you are dead as a doornail but your social life thanks to clever AI is more vibrant than ever! Your astral body still alive and kicking by posting latest memes, trolling in comments and sharing fake news of your silly chums! AI will simulate your behavior so well that even your own mom would be hard pressed to spot any difference between real you and your simulacrum! However if you want to make your digital afterlife as good as it gets you need to keep in mind two things. Firstly spend in social networks as much time as you can. Ideally you should be always online. More material to work with will hugely help AI to create life-like reconstruction of your one of a kind personality. Secondly don’t act smart. Ideally in social networks you should present yourself as a borderline retarded person. This also will help AI to mimic you better. As far as I can see most people already take those matters into consideration while social networking. Way to go boys and gals! Hugs and kisses, luv you all!
Autopilot Blues
According to recent surveys about half of drivers don’t trust autopilot in cars. The reason why is very simple but car manufacturers seem to not getting it at all. Trust is closely correlated to how well autopilot can guess and then approximate owner’s driving habits — reaction times to events, braking profile, interplay with other cars, behavior in traffic jams and on acceleration lanes etc. Autopilot must simulate human’s flawed ways of handling a car to gain driver’s trust. Make them perfect by intentionally making them imperfect! How hard is that?!